I Want To Start Over
by Penelopeloo
Summary: Soul Eater Evans is the dissapointment of two very weathy business owners. Maka Albarn is a humble, but eccentric, librarian at a local book store. What can friendship, jazz, and love do to bring these two souls together? /This story contains themes of depression/ / I may change this later but currently this is what I'm going for. Enjoy!
1. Chapter One: The Last Straw

August 6, 2018

 _I just want another chance..._

My father's cold, red eyes sunk into my skin like a cattle prod. I sat there, in the dimly lit evening room of our "family" home, waiting for Father to speak. It never was hard to tell what he was thinking. I could see the disapointment and emptiness that filled his eyes. Each of his breaths eating up my own because, after all, he brought me into this world- and what did I bring him?

"What a disrespectful young man," Father tsked. He clicked his tongue and slowly paced around. Time had ceased itself for him. Father's handsewn leather shoes creaked against the floor as he walked- no- _paraded_. He took too much pride in his disgust with me.

"Yes, he really is," Mother chimed in. Her long, white hair was done up in a graceful bun and her face was misleadingly innocent. Placing a hand under her chin, she watched in amusment as Father circled around me.

 _Another chance to live... happily..._

The hollow hole in my chest felt nothing anymore, as this embarrasment was mearly rountine at this point. Like brushing your teeth. I couldnt even have brought myself to care about what it was I had done this time. I think I convinced myself to believe that living was my punishment for, well, living. Being unable to uphold the family's reputation. Being unable to put myself before others. Being unable to accept that I am required to spit on those below me, those that make me who I am.

"We give you piano lessons, we give you money for school, we give you anything you could want."

 _Is that really so much to ask for?_

Father's eyes narrow even further. He stops pacing and stands directly infront of me. I still don't know what I had done. I've barely spoken to them all month, whichis usually a delight on their end, and I still wind up in the bear's den.

I closed my eyes and listened to my heart beat... it was calm.

 _Only a few more days... then I'm out of here._

"But, despite the luxuries we award you with _constantly,_ you have the nerve to tell Wes that you plan on running away?"

My eyes widen, and I look up at my father in disgust. Wes would never betray me like that... Never. He wanted to get out of this hell hole just as much as I did! My heartbeat becan to quicken now and I could feel the rage rising in my chest. Father noticed this. He chuckled.

"Strike a nerve?" He smirked, a smug and devious look on his face. I held back the urge to clock him right in his straight, pearly white teath.

 _That was it. That was the last straw._ Mother giggled from her corner of the room, lounging now in Father's great leather chair, "What, no comment?"

"Wes would nev-"

"How eould you have any idea what Wes would do?" Father barked. "You hardly ever spend time with him, or us for that matter! You're a disrespectful and ungrateful little brat! We always knew you would never make us proud, but to threaten running away? Ruining our family name? After all we have done for you, all of the money for college to fund your rediculous dream of becoming a 'musician' instead of a business man like the rest of us?!"

He finally snapped. Not that I didnt expect it...

 _This is the last straw._ "Why should I be greatful? No matter what I do, I'll always been seen as aburdon on your prissy-ass, expensive shoes!" I spat. "All you care about it the family image?"

The room was starting to spin now. I coukdnt tell wallpaper from painting, windows from curtains- everything was beggining to be too much. I could feel myself slipping more and more into the pit my family had dug me into. Or... maybe it really was all my fault.

I had spent so much time trying to see straight again that I hadn'tnoticed my father had gone silent. Mother too. It wasn't until I finally opened my eyes again that he scoffed at my state.

"Look at you," he scoweled. "You're a monster, a freak. You dont belong in this household."

"All you could ever be to is a hassle. A disgrace to the family name," she sighed.

I fell silent as angry sweat dripped down my face. If they were going to kick me out, they should really just get it over with. You're doing me a favor, pops. Again, I stared at my father's leather shoes. At this point looking up at hin would be useless, I already know what he's going to say.

"I want you out of my house. You don't belong here."

His words continuted to beat away at my self worth. Every ' _disapointment'_ another blow to my ego- if there was one anymore. I would say I felt relief, but I didn't. I felt... like a failure. I hadn'teven been able to run away the right way. Maybe I was useless.

Father straightened his tie, "We can't have this incident slandering us, however. Our competitors would use this against us, and you know we can't have that."

There he goes again, only woried about the family name...

"What you father is saying is that," Mother chimed in, "we're going to pay you. Keep you quiet. We're all going to act like you've simply grown wings and left the nest-"

Mother began to tear up quite fakely.

"So you're going to send me away?" I tried to sound angry, but this was a long time coming.

Father headed towards the door, but turned for one final statement. "You will go to our headquarters in Nevada and become the face of the branch. But no worries, you wont actually have to do anything. We hired an actual CEO for that. You leave tomorrow."

 _I will never be what you want._ _.._

 **...**

 **Well, there it is. I recently read through my old fanfics and decided to write a new one! I'm going to try and keep this one going, hopefully. let me know what you think.** **-Penny**


	2. Chapter Two: Adapting

I've never been to Nevada.

It was hot, here, and, despite being in the middle of the desert, Death City was crowded with people. I found it hard to believe that Father would ever extend a branch out here until I actually landed. The shoe industry must really be blooming in a place where you have to drive to get to everywhere. The streets were surprisingly paved. I don't know what I was expecting- dirt roads? I mean, it makes sense for the desert. I sighed to myself, I'm not a very well-seasons traveler.

The apartment Father had sent me to was big, and probably what he stayed in on his business trips to this part of the company. There was a view, a beautiful view. It over looked the whole shopping district of the city. I could see buildings 'pon buildings, and billboards and people walking. Don't even get me started on the skyline...

"Why would Father give me such a nice place?" I thought out-loud. He very much so could have sent me to fend for myself in the streets, or make me live in basement of the Death City branch of Evans Shoe Enterprises. It was a nice feeling to be away from them... but, I couldn't keep something off my mind.

There began an ache in my chest.

 _How could Wes tell them? We were going to leave together..._

Wes was my older brother. My best friend. The only person in our family that treated me like I had a purpose in life- the only person who could make me believe it. Now, though, I only felt betrayal. _If only I could ask him_ , I thought, but father told me I wasn't allowed to contact them anymore. He'd cut me off from the network and gave me a new phone. Blocked my number and said that if I needed them at all, to direct any and all statements to the CEO of the Death City branch,

I could try to ignore it, but I don't think I'll ever stop wondering why he ratted me out.

The thought hung in my throat like I had just swallowed a toad.

My phone buzzed, and I quickly buried my feelings.

 _New message from: Kidd Death_

 _Hello, Mr. Evans, I am supposed to let you know we have a meeting at 1:00pm to discuss your duties and roles in your father's company. When you arrive, tell the secretary who you are and she will direct you to my office. Dress accordingly._

Looking at the clock, I noted that it was only ten-o clock and I had a solid couple of hours to explore before I needed to be there- so after a quick shower and a trip to my father's closet, I threw on a suit and gave little attention to how acceptable I looked.

...

The streets were less packed now, and cars zipped by as the atmosphere of the city sunk into me.

 _I guess I could get used to this._

Trying not to feel guilty, which didn't work at all, I slid my credit card through the scanner of a local coffee shop. It was just across the street from my apartment and was relatively cheep, so I figured why not. I didn't want to blow through all the money Mother and Father had paid me to come here, though I know they would never cut me off in fear I would "ruin the family name" if they didn't keep me away.

There it was again. The contrite feeling that grew in my chest.

 _'You should be grateful'_ his words rang in my head. Over and over and over again- all I could hear was the disdain he had for me. ' _Disappointment', 'Waste of time', 'Useless'._ My vision grew blurry and, in my distraught state of mind, I ran into someone on the street.

"Watch where you're going, asshole." they huffed. I turned to apologize but the face that greeted me was Father. I blinked a few times. God, did my head hurt.

"Jesus, are you okay?" The man asked, looking at me with the same eyes my father did. They read- "Freak. Look where you're going next time." And with that, the stranger darted away from me.

I gripped my head and steadied myself against the brick siding of the coffee shop. I hadn't even made it outside before I had an episode... not cool. Embarrassment lingered in my cheeks until it dissolved into loathing. Not for the stranger, but for myself. _This is why they hate me so much,_ was all I could think.

The melancholy stuck with me the rest of the way down the street- once I was finally able to calm myself down- and eventually I found myself inside a library browsing through the Jazz records. Art Tatum, Fats Waller- you name 'em. The little bookstore was small for it's selection. The books were barely on the shelves, and were piled up on tables through out the aisles. It seemed that whoever ran this place had quite the collection.

Quietly, I picked up a few of the records I favored most and placed them in the record player. The headphones were quite uncomfortable and messed with my hair, but it's not like I did my hair to begin with. It was hard to believe that such a small place had such a fancy, advanced record player for customers to view albums with. I lost myself, for a while, in the music. The smooth beat of the tunes healed me and washed away my distress- for now anyway... Good things didn't last forever.

I felt a tapping on my shoulder.

"Excuse me, Sir?" a quiet voice spoke. I removed the headphones and turned to her, a tall woman with long black hair. She wore a gray sweater vest and dawned a name tag. It read 'Tsubaki'.

"U-uh yes?" I responded, unsure if I had done something wrong. I glanced back at the record player for a sign that said whether or not I was supposed to pay to use. I looked back at Tsubaki, she was smiling brightly. "Did I do something wrong?"

She shook her head. "Oh, no! Of course not, I was just looking to welcome you to town."

"Huh?" I quirked my eyebrows. Does she know who I am?

Giggling, she must have seen the confusion. "Well, I've just never seen you around before, so I assumed you were new! My apologies if for my assumpt-"

I cut her off unintentionally, "No, you were right. Sorry I just, uh, it's no problem."

Once again I felt myself embarrassed. ' _Geez, get yourself together, Soul, you're acting so uncool right now.'_

Still, the librarian seemed not to mind. Her whole presence radiated kindness, and she only looked pleased to see a new face.

"Well, in that case, my name is Tsubaki, it's very nice to meet you." She extended her hand and I shook it.

I couldn't help but note how soft and gentle she was; I also couldn't help but note that this is probably the first time I've ever shook a woman's hand. Were they all this soft?

"I'm Soul Eater, it's nice to meet you too. Are you the owner?" I ask, looking around at the messily organized contents of the store. Tsubaki shakes her head and steps back.

"Me? Oh, no, I just work here. Our owner is out right now, it's just us two running the place so we switch off most days." She speaks as she lifts a small pile of books from a nearby display and dusts the surface, setting each book down one by one. I nodded, not knowing what to say. The time was ticking down to where I would have to be at the office and I dreaded each second that passed. I could only imagine the type of people my father would hire and put in charge of me...

It took a moment for me to snap out of my daze and realize that I had been ignoring Tsubaki this whole time.

"Fuck, I'm so sorry," I said, "I got distracted."

"It's no worry! You look like you have somewhere important to be anyhow," she smiled, nodding at my attire.

I grabbed my un-tied tie and coughed. 'Y-yeah, I do. I should probably get going. Thanks." I threw her my most try-hard smile, but I'm sure it ended up looking more like dog being trained by it's owner to smile. Not cool. Regardless, Tsubaki bowed and continued her business dusting off the store, giving me a short wave.

The office was still halfway across town. I still had at least an hour and a half to get there and I've exhausted myself already. Not to mention how much of a fool I keep making myself out to be to everyone I interact with. Shutting my eyes, I tried to breath.

 _I can't keep doing this to myself._

And with that, I stuffed my hands in my pockets and decided I didn't care anymore, or at least I wouldn't let anyone think I cared.

...

 **Welp, another chapter. It's probs a little lack-luster at this point, but I honestly just have so much I want to do with this story I don't want to throw it all at ya'll at once. Leave a note for me to improve on.**

 **I'm going to try and do updates once a week after this. maybe. I start college next week so honestly we'll see how that goes.**

 **-Penny**


	3. Chapter Three: You Can't Trust Anyone

_"Your role in this company is very specific," Kidd Death squinted at me, "as I'm sure you already know."_

 _I sat across from him, every second becoming more aware of the fact that I didn't belong here. He made it a point, really, to let me know. The way his eyes followed my every move made it obvious he didn't like me. He spoke one-hundred words a minute and I think I stopped listening after two._ _The air was crisp and cool, which didnt help my discomfort. His office felt like an odd prison cell. The fact that there was two of everything made me wonder if there had been two CEOs and if Kidd was the only one who survived. I almost felt bad when I noticed I hadn't been responding to his words._

What was the point _, I thought,_ none of this mattered anyway.

/

The apartment air was stiff and humid.

I think it had been a few hours since I had gotten home, and it was even emptier on the inside than I remembered leaving it. The gray carpets seemed even bleaker; the white walls even bearer; and the rooms even lonelier. It was probably the first time in my life I had this much silence all to my self- I felt almost guilty. The thought of being on my own should be a happy one.

But, now that I'm here, I feel anything but happy.

All I could think about was Wes. I kept asking myself why, why would he rat me out? Of all the people I would have expected it never would have been my own brother; my best friend. We had always had a strong bond. My parents favored him, so our kindred nature towards each other always caused them distaste. While he would be praised for his music, I would be shunned for mine. Constantly disregarded because I was just a 'pianist', not a 'concert pianist' like Wes was a 'concert violinist'.

You can never trust anyone, I guess. Not even your own flesh and blood.

It made me sick to think of all of the late nights I spend beating myself over my parents hatred for me and all the times Wes would come to the rescue, being the big brother I would always need. _'I'll always be here for you'_ , he would tell me.

What a fat lie that was.

/

 _He handed me a fat stack of papers and crossed his hands. "Do you have any questions?"_

 _I shrugged and took the papers. Eunning my fingers over the edges I studied the company header. 'Evans Shoe Enterprise' was written in fancy lettering Was this my contract? Did I need a contract?_

 _"It's the company handbook, edited just a bit to fit your situation." He answered, knowingly. I felt stale and used, kind of like a dry, used condom. I mentally slapped myself for using that metaphor. He repeated, "Any questions?"_

 _"Uh, yeah, what exactly does anyone do here?" I asked, "I mean, my father runs a shoe company, what the hell is all the prim and proper shit for?"_

 _He didn't roll his eyes, but I'm sure he wanted to. Kidd stood up and pulled a large binder from the bookshelf behind him._

 _"We are the marketing part of your father's company. There are however warehouses and factories located across the country, but each different branch has it's own marketing building..." blah blah blah. I shouldn't have asked._

 _/_

My head was pounding.

 _I should get out of here_ , I thought. Escape the sound of my own blood pumping through my body. Slowly, I lifted myself from the couch, finding it hard to beat the weight of gravity on top of me. I needed to do this, I needed to move. If I didn't now, I don't think I ever will. And so I stood numb in the middle of the living room, living proof that laziness wasn't just not wanting to do something- it was the incapability to even try.

I turned back. _Maybe tomorrow,_ I thought.

The weight inside of my chest held my body to the couch. I glanced over at my keyboard which sat bored against the wall. Any other day I would be practicing, using my music as an outlet to all the shit my parents gave me, thinking ' _I'll show them, I'm just as great as Wes.'._ I practiced not out of envy or spite of my parents but out of inspiration of being like my big brother. That feeling of inspiration was gone now, though, and it was replaced with resentment.

I just want to know why.

/

 _"Is that all then?" He curtly motioned to the door, dismissing me. Geez, this guy is rude as hell._

 _I stood and nodded, taking the hint that he didn't want me here as much as I didn't want me here. Time seemed to move slower the closer I got to the door. It was as if I had just signed my life away- not that I hadn't done that the day I was born already. I may have gotten away from my parents, but from the looks of it I would still be dealing with their demeaning attitude. Sure, I didn't have to put myself through this, but it was either starting from nothing in the streets or a life of enslavement. God knows they wouldn't spare a dime on me if I hadn't taken them up on their offer. It's not like the job was hard, anyway. All I had to do was read from their script and shake a few hands at any public meetings._

 _How hard could that be?_

 _..._

It was a shitty day for rain.

Rain that beat against the windows with an urgency that made me want to do anything but go back outside. I pursed my lips and sipped at my coffee. Early the morning I had ventured out into the city to explore and had come across a small cafe a few blocks from my apartment called "Somethins' Brewin'". It was dry then, like you would expect it to be in the desert, so of course I hadn't thought to bring an umbrella with me. I must have been the only one who didn't check the forecast, though, because people who had been in the cafe before I arrived were equipped with umbrellas and rain coats.

I sipped again, and the warm cream flushed my cold cheeks with a red tint.

It was lonely, almost, to be surrounded by so much conversation. People must know each other here, because I don't think there was a single person sitting alone but me. Or, perhaps, all those people chose to stay home today. I envied those people. I had come here in hopes of flushing myself of the sorrow of last night, and so far it was only working half as well as I had expected.

The door bell that chimed every time a new customer entered rang and some poor girl stood in front of the door, completely soaked. She was short, pale, and had ash blond hair. Water puddled at her feet as she looked around for a chair. I felt bad for her- the place was packed. Quickly, I glanced at the two open seats left at my table.

I heard her coming; her shoes squeaked against the floor.

"Do you mind if I sit with you?" She asked, dripping with embarrassment. Well, I did keep telling myself I needed to make friends.

I nodded and smiled, trying to create a welcoming atmosphere between us. It failed. I felt incredibly awkward.

"So, uh, what's your name?" I asked. Hopefully some conversation would make this less uncomfortable.

"Maka Albarn," She smiled. "You?"

"Soul-" I panicked for a moment, "Soul Eater."

She nodded in a polite but uncomfortable way and twiddled her thumbs. I had heard that name before, but I couldn't remember where. We had barely spoken to each other but I had already ran out of things to talk about.

I chucked to myself. "I guess I'm not the only one who missed the rain memo, huh?" I joked.

Her expression shifted from awkward to downright flabbergasted. "I know!" She exclaimed. "It's ridiculous, the rain wasn't supposed to start for another two hours so me, being a good friend decided to get Tsubaki her favorite coffee and-"

 _Tsubaki_? I thought to myself, quite surprised.

"-you know it's just always so busy so I once I _finally_ got a chance to make a coffee run, of course I took it! And of course with my luck it started raining halfway down the block!"

Her frustration discouraged me from wanting to creep in on her life and say _Oh hey I happen to have met your friend once, do you happen to own a bookstore?_ Something about the situation gave me the idea that question wasn't appropriate right now. Instead, I just listened to her talk. I think I lost track of what she was telling me, but, she didn't seem to mind my company. This could be a good thing.

"-Oh my! I'm so sorry, I've just been rambling haven't I?" She asked, sheepishly.

I shrugged and sipped at my still very hot coffee. "I don't mind, really. This is the most conversation I've had in weeks."

"Geez, I can't tell if that's a good thing or a bad thing," She huffed, crossing her arms and quirking a brow.

I chucked and looked over to the window, still being pelted by the rain. It hadn't let up at all, and I think Maka had forgotten about the coffee. The atmosphere between us had let up, at least to me, but I still couldn't quite bring myself to start any conversations with her. My whole body was wracking itself with nerves- totally uncool. She was just a girl, a girl I had never met, nonetheless. No pretenses of me or my family, no indication of what was going on in my life- the situation was practically perfect. Why was it so hard for me to start over?

She stood suddenly and nearly knocked over her chair. "I almost forgot about the coffee!"

"Jeeze, tiger, calm down." I exclaimed, jumping up to make sure she didn't fall over. We met an uncomfortable silence as the two of us stood there, both confused by the other's sudden movement. My hand held her elbow for no more than a few moments before I quickly shoved my hands in my pockets. _Not cool_ , I thought, _you don't just grab women! Idiot._ I could tell this made her uncomfortable, too.

"W-well, anyways, I should probably order that drink and get going," Maka explained. "It was nice meeting you."

"Would you mind if I accompanied you?" I offered, feeling compelled to try and save the situation by being 'gentlemanly'. Maka bowed her head.

"You seem nice but," she paused, "you can't trust anyone these days, can you?"

My chest stung. _You got that right._

From that moment on, time began to move like molasses as she ordered her coffee. It was like time was relishing in my embarrassment and pain. Not more than a few minutes later, she left, waving at my out of courtesy as our eyes met one last time.

 _God, you're such a creep... Not cool, Soul._

 **...**

 **For those of you who read chapters 3 and 4 BEFORE I edited and combined them; this is exactly that. I decided to combine the two shorter chapters and make one big chapter, as well as add a little more plot to them.**

 **For those of you who didn't, disregard this message.**

 **I'm trying to get back into the swing of writing so forgive me. Thanks for reading!**

 **\- Penny**


	4. Update! (will be deleted eventually)

**Hey! I just wanted to let any current readers know that I updated chapter 3 as well as combined it with chapter 4 to make one bigger chapter. The new chapter 4 should be coming out soon so stay tuned!**

 **-Penny**


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